Losing my Religion...

First off...  I hate that song.

Now, on to the point of this post.

I have been, on occasion, questioned about my religious beliefs--or lack of them, as it were.

I guess the best way to explain what I believe is to present one example. A strong--in my mind--example.

For a moment, I will assume that god exists.  With that, I will consider that the things in the bible are true and accurate accounts.

Let's take a murderer as an example. Let's say that he kills an innocent. Let's also, for a moment, ignore the tendency for people to say that no one--unborn children included--are not innocent. Sins of the father, and whatnot. This murderer is created by god, given free-will, and released into the world. At some point in the future, he chooses to rape and strangulate a little child. Let's now consider that god knew this was going to happen and created him anyway. Now, I hear the protests. "He had a choice and chose evil." He had a choice. I submit that, yes he had a choice, but god is supposed to be omnipotent. He sees and knows all... past, present and future.

If that is true, the god already knew that the man was going to choose this evil thing, and chose to create him anyway.  He chose.

If free-will can disrupt what god sees simply because the choice hasn't been made until you make it, then god doesn't know anything that you are going to do until you do it. This isn't being omnipotent.

This is where my ability to have faith falls apart.

Some people want to assume that, because I'm atheist, I don't have any respect for people who believe. Which is not true. I have a great deal of respect for anyone who believes in their own truths. They also assume that I haven't read the bible. Which is also not true. The bible is the primary reason that I'm atheist in the first place.

Now, though I don't believe in god, does that mean I don't want the bible to be true and that their is something more to the universe, beyond the cycle of life and death?

No.

I want to believe it's all true. I just don't.

As it were...

Sometimes the perception we have of the people we interact with on a daily basis can evolve into something else.  Something unexpected.

We live day to day making associations based on preconceptions that we build over the course of our lives, applying them to each relationship--good or bad--that we develop with others.  If we can get past how we perceive people and their attached personalities, we could take a step back to understand that everyone is the same.  Everyone is who they are based on their experiences throughout their lives.

People--not all people--judge each other on these preconceived notions. We as a people have it all figured out. We think we've seen it all and that there are no surprises. As a person, I've been on the end of that kind of judgement.  I was angry.  I didn't understand how someone could just look at or hear me and decide what kind of person I am.

Then something happened. I realized that I do the same thing.

I've often made a judgment about a person based solely on the sound of their voice I hear the first words out of their mouth.

Common sense can lead you to some conclusions, and these conclusions lead to stereotypes. We use stereotypes because, people--in general--are lazy. By allowing these blanket observations to dictate how we deal with other people, we are letting the people who originated these ideas to control us.

I'm not allowing that anymore.

Today...

Today I discovered something important thanks to my friend, Mark Romero. What I've learned is that some of the things I write have deeper meanings... meanings that I didn't consciously have in mind while I was putting the idea together.

I didn't agree. Initially.

I read the story in question (The Machine People) and I saw what he was talking about. I generally try to "write" to a degree that isn't making assumptions about the reader's beliefs or preconceptions about the subject matter. Basically, I don't want a target audience. In my mind, I do that every time. I go so far as not naming the main character in some stories, just so the reader will (hopefully) become the character for the duration of the story. I'll even (sometimes) leave out gender identifying pronouns for the same reason.

In reality I am under the constant influence of conversations, movies, TV shows, books, the news, street signs, restaurant menu's, and, well, everything. With this much outside influence, it becomes impossible to deliver my ideas in a way that allows the reader's beliefs and preconceptions to direct how they interpret the material.

So, do I admit Mark was right? Heck no. I will admit that I haven't achieved what I thought I had.

I like to think I learn something every day, especially from my friends. I don't, but I like to think that. It makes me think I'm deep and observant enough to glean something useful each day.

Today, however, I did learn something. I learned that you cannot just assume that you have accomplished something simply because you think you're being clever.  

So, Mark, thanks. Thanks for ruining my entire body of progress.

On the road to published...

Welcome to my little corner of blogger...

Well, its been several years of me going back and forth about what I thought about myself as a writer... I've come to this conclusion; I'm not that good, but I can be entertaining.

In the past, I would have never even considered publication. Lately, I've come to realize that it's not that big of a deal. Traditional publishing is cool and all, but then you realize that a series of books and movies exist because of short stories published on a fan fiction site. I'm not a fan of those books, but that isn't relevant. They exist and are successful, through--initially--non-traditional publishing. 

My goal is to write and get good at it. It is a hobby to me, that started out as a way to keep track of the wild ass dreams that I seem to have.  I have role-playing scenarios, short stories--some complete, some not so complete--and journals full of random ideas for stories. I have finally decided to do something with them, if only for the entertainment of my friends and family.

I remember the first dream I ever woke up from and wrote down. In the dream, I was riding in a car with a person that I knew, but could not identify. Something would always block my view. Whether it was sun in my eyes, the person turning their head, or whatever... I couldn't see them or recognize their voice. On the radio, a song was playing. It was familiar to me, but I could not place the name of it or hum the tune.  As we travel through my home town, the driver loses control of the vehicle. 

I die in the wreck. Everything goes black. I'm not sure if the driver dies, but I definitely do. 

The next thing I see is my funeral. I'm floating above the podium, and I can see the people attending... It was everyone I had ever met in my life (up to that point). Each person took a turn coming up and saying something about me... I don't know the exact words.  Some things were nice and flattering, others not so much. 

At the end, everyone left as my casket was being lowered into the ground and covered with a sandy, red dirt that was common to the area. Everything goes black.

And then I woke up.

Now, as you can imagine, this dream bothered me for a long time. It was reoccurring every night for about eight years. It was spooky and I wouldn't let people drive me anyplace for the longest time. One morning, I figured it had gone on long enough, so I wrote it down. 

I never had that dream again. 

I guess that it was that day--March 11, 1993--I became a writer. In my mind at least. 

That is why I want to write and get better. My mind is always doing something weird and I have all of these ideas that will be lost when I'm gone. That may sound vain, but I don't want them to go away. If that dream taught me anything, it's that my mortality is inevitable. As a young man, I refused to believe that... and my actions reflected that mindset. 

Now, as an "adult", I feel like I have things to say and interests that I'd like to share. So, I'm on the road to published, and I'm excited.